i moved on

www.tabulas.com/~onadmraz

Currently Reading The Professor of Desire By Philip Roth see related

to release the positive energy that has been inside me, i formulated some ways. however, i keep on doing things without thinking that there is more to life. what do i really want?

i really enjoyed the company of friends. i mean, who wouldn't? duh.

i have this strange feeling towards someone. i tried not to rationalize what i feel. why? maybe, that's not me anymore. when i think about it, it makes me laugh. how the hell did i get this feeling? i know this isn't gonna last. whatever.

it's just two days before the election of the highest post who will run the office. before, my vote is a toss between two presidentiables, now it came into three. and i have 48 hours or less to decide. i may not be able to write three of them over a single line but what the heck, that's just me. i am making my final list tomorrow. good luck to them!

more about politics... i heard it. it did ring a bell. if this electionists lose their candidacy, they are not going to accept the fact that they are losers. eventually, this will lead to a conflict which definitely, we all guys know why. i am just scared if a gma-noli tandem wins. surely, not all will accept. but somehow, the surveys have prepared us that both of them are leading the pact. and i don't see anything wrong with that. they win. it is not a matter of who deserves the position but it is how we practice democracy. yeah right, onad did it agan.

sometimes, i hate myself for not being serious. now, i am hating myself for being too serious. what a complicated mind i have! i need to relax a little. this afternoon, i am trying to maximize the medical fee that we have over our huge miscellaneous fee. i asked a nurse ( i don't think she's a nurse because she's wearing something pretty cool, not a flashy white) if they have stresstabs. you see, i am amazed by the result i see in its commercial ads. i know it's fake but hell i'll just give it a try. but what the hell, they don't even have that! so i'll just forget about it...

Currently Playing Everyday Is a Winding Road By Sheryl Crow see related

-

it is only with rare times that we really get to unwind. i mean, really unwind.

***

what can make you happy is when you have a big crush over a politician, one of our councilor re-electionist. aren't you glad when you get a handshake? and what makes it better is when you get a big hug! i don't know if this is just crush or stupid infatuation because of the posters i see everywhere. darn! you got my vote...

***

beating my own record of the most drunk night i've been to just happened. upto now, i am still under a recovery towards being sober. my mind is not battling with my heart anymore (that used to be a familiar line from a song i used to one of the people i once dated). my mind is under a state of trauma. earlier this morning, i am upholding myself that i will die anytime. my mind has never ached that bad before. even when i am dead drunk, i know i can dance half-nakedly over a ledge of a bar only my friends know where. but this, i just can't take it. but hey, i cannot promise that i should stop drinking. it can only take me that far. for now, i'll just say, drink less.

***

they say patience is virtue. the other night, my brother-in-law is watching this cock derby over a certain channel which made you think, what on earth is this show for??? cocks killing cocks and later you see them over your kitchen. what on earth, really? i was thinking. i tried to be patient since american idol has a replay the following day anyway. but still, why is he so interested with roosters? and that station gets a kickback from their sponsors. and they have sponsors???

***

they say friends are like treasures. now, i know who to keep. they are the ones who value respect more than the friendship itself. and i must say, i just love them. wish i can go back to the times when seeing them everyday becomes boring. because, it is just now when you see them rarely that you get to realize how happy you are and how free you are because you know that they are real.

***

happy 33rd anniversary to my parents!!! they wouldn't know how thankful i am that they're still together. i must say i'm lucky to have them. 33 years and i wonder how can i be like them. my mom told me it is compatibility more than the feeling itself. is my mom right? maybe she is, the proof is in the pudding.

Currently Playing Here Without You By 3 Doors Down see related

one of my dearest friends way back in hiskul invited me to celebrate her 20th birthday with her other friends last saturday night. i was the first and 'only' hiskul friend to come, plus more than a dozen of her college friend! at first, i thought it would be better for me to just make some conniving since i'm good at that. and this girl even told her mom that i am one fat anti-social when i'm sober. no no not just to her mom, to the rest of the guys. and so, everybody tries to make a conversation with me. in general, they weren't that interesting though. or maybe, that's just me?

an hour later, two of my other hiskul friends came in. i felt so blessed that very moment. the two have come to rescue me from the social insecurities and scheming that's been badly going on in my head. however, to sum it up, the party was a bit of a blast. 'a bit' ? i believe that no one should be crying in a party, especially the celebrant. ryt? oops, maybe i just spoiled out something.

 the first minutes as we sat in the sole round drinking table for fifteen, everybody is eyeing on everyone. me? i was thinking that some of them do think they're really cool. they were like smoking, plus the make up that one girl wears and murmuring through the sound of the music showing us all that 'hey, i memorized these cool songs!'  i said, "what a waste."

yeah, maybe i am just a little bit bored with what's really going on. not just during the party, but the life i'm living. talk about having the same old routines... i was thinking that probably, why i get redundancy with living life, is because of school. i only got one more year. definitely, after that, i get to have a better life. it's gonna be so much fun. but for now, we have to make sacrifices for our parents to give life to their dreams.

yeah right! onad did it again.

currently : making realities sink...

the first school week for this hot summer term brings me to this adjective called 'ngarag'. you guys should know that you cannot just have both worlds. what am i trying to say is that we cannot have all that we wanted. such a cliché! things aren't making me feel good nowadays. i want to go back to a time and space where i can just groove with things. i can just dance with the life that God offered me; a life in which His funny surprises caught me off guard. no doubt, God has so many funny ideas in His pocket.

what do you think are the rules that we really have to follow? are these the things that mom and dad taught us when we were young? or is it the lessons we learned on our own? sometimes, these things do contradict.

moving on...

I love a toilet that flushes with great strength and purpose. it motivates me to eat more and live life. talk about more weird stories, i'm frightened about the latest terrorist scare going on. i flipped from bbc to cnn and both have news regarding only terrorist knows what. and since these motherfu**ers are back, the security tightens. security guards around the metro, whether in or out of malls, have become really scary too. they would subconsciously touch your lower half. what makes it interesting (aww did i just say interesting), is when they grip around your thigh with full force downwards. whew! that's a scary thought. me? hitting it high with the sekyo? ewwww!

one last, in life we do not choose someone over the other. we choose a life that makes us better. as i said, we cannot have both. if we live a perfect life together with the people who happens to be perfect for us, then there is no need to believe. there is no reason. there is a confusion. but for me, i'll just get by. there is nothing to do.